gotta trust the nose

masakit pala talagang malaman ang katotohanan lalo na kapag ikaw mismo ang naghanap nang sagot. at mas lalong masakit dahil hanggang sa huling sandali (kahit hanggang ngayon) naniniwala ka pa rin sa tao kahit anong sabihin o gawin kahit taliwas sa mga nakikita at nababasa at naririnig. kahit na alam mong masasaktan ka, sige pa rin ang paghahanap, pagtitingin, pagtatanong, pero mas mabuti nang alam ang tunay na nangyayare kaysa sa mundong alam mo at ginawa mo.

masakit pero tapos na. nuon pa naman alam ko, gut feeling - pero siguro mas sinunod ko ung tiwala ko sa tao kaysa sa naramdaman ko. hindi ako galit, hindi ako inis, hindi ako magtatanim ng galit at hindi ko rin masisisi yung tao. hindi rin naman ako perpekto. actually, hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko.

at mas lalong masakit at nahihirapan ako dahil simula nang una akong masaktan hanggang ngayon..hindi ako marunong tumanggap nang sorry galing sa lalake. mas gugustuhin ko pang hindi magsabe ng sorry at aksyunan nalang yung pangyayare o bumawi kaysa marinig ang salitang sorry, pero kinabukasan balik sa dati ang lahat, walang nagbago, walang binago, walang nangyare. kailan ako ulit matututo - hindi ko alam.

*i hope you know that i won't blame you, i won't take it against you. with me knowing this, just makes us farther from each other, but don't worry - i'd still stay and try to continue telling you that "i'm here".

coincidence: after blogging i got an email from papa about this test. my result was this:

31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

so logged on again to add this part. weird.