Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
past tense
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
twilight madness
so gaya lang ng "One More Chance" nakaiyak na lahat, na get-over na nila ung pelikula..after a year bago ako nakapag-emote emote! haha
i was talking to fifi knina and i was actually asking her the ending of the movie (Twilight)..ayaw pa niyang sbhin! haha
wala lang, kse for sure di ko bibili ng book kse mahal pa dito, tas dbd bihira dito at namamahalan ako..haha infairness mayron kso nga lang mas maganda copy sa atin! haha dito kse gawang eme (mexican) sa spanish, hencho en mexico..hahaha
kse nagcheck ako ng friendster and multiply and everyone's in the twilight bandwagon..haha so naki-twilight rin ako pero para lang sbhin na ang loser ko at di ako updated! haha
*month long celebration*
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
KUNG FU FAITING! hhahaha
i know major late at parang ako nalang ang natutuwa sa mundo about panda-monium! hahaha
cute cute!!
skundush! booom! hahaha
Sunday, November 23, 2008
When Love Begins - finally napanood din
Ben - Aga Mulach
Mitch - Anne Curtis
"It's not enough to accept me for what I am, but also for what I'm not." - Mitch
True. 100% true. The mere fact that accepting someone is not easy, at all, but embracing also other people's shortcomings is another part. We can't just force someone to adapt things we're used to live with. People have different ways of showing and making things happen, maybe our way or their own way. Some can be touchy, would rather say how they feel rather than show it, and some just won't show nothing but would be there. But no matter how different two people can be, if you want it to work, you'd do anything to make it; accept and never expect; easier said than done. I've tried a lot of times not to expect anything from someone but it takes a lot of time, pride, and patience to do that. Because after all the disappointments, you'll then realize that you can't change someone unless it would start from them, and also you'll realize that they've accepted everything you are (good and bad) but they never complained. Then from there you'd slowly try to make little steps towards your goal of not expecting anything, to lessen disappointments and arguments. In time you'll get there.
The most inspiring idea the movie gave me, was the "hope of waiting". Waiting can be painful, especially when that's the only thing can do. Because that's the only way you know how to make it and reach the end point, the main point of the relationship. No matter how hard each day could get, every hour/minute counts, every waking day to be noticed, if waiting for something so great to happen in the end, it's worth it.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
one more chance, finally
of course, I CRIED! maybe for the whole duration of the movie..i laugh and cry at the same time. because of the "fall-back", there's a 1 hour change in our time; for some reason i just woke up around 3am and wasn't able to go back to sleep. so, i decided to watch the dvd because i'd be returning it to my sis-in-law that day too.
"it takes 2 grown ups to work a relationship" - mark (derek ramsey)
so many lines but this one got stuck and is true, its give and take, takes A LOT of patience and try as much as possible to fix the issue before the day ends.
the saddest part for me was, when popoy was only loving and trying to love tricia because at his worst, tricia was there, she took him, and made him better, made him start again. sad, because he was loving her because he owes something from her, and he feels that someone could love him at his worst, what more at his best.
i just feel that loving someone and learning to love that person at the same time is unfair for the other party. he/she is there, giving his/her all but there you are still trying to forget that past, learning to love, and loving him/her just a part from you. i mean, why do you have to fight the pain and anger by using someone else, instead of waiting 'til you're really ready to love someone with your whole self. i just believe that when you start to love someone else, you may not have forgotten your past but at least you have no doubt that you love the new person and just love.
the "ouch" scene for me was when one of their friend, played by janus, lost an engagement. then popoy comes and says all those lines. i was crying during the whole scene. (btw, forever d best si lloydie! haha)
and major factor too was the song, "i'll never go far away from you" and specifically erik santos' version, always always make me cry! add it all up, the song, the lines, the scenes = one whole night of crying! haha
and sometimes eventhough it is really painful for you to do something in the relationship, to grow, to learn, to experience, to change; you have to. whatever consequences you may get from that, whether it ends up the way you imagined it or not, you still have to, if it will make you see reality and make you, you.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
3 and a half men.
the effort is there, i think. but you see if they just try to be focused just even for a second on one thing (though at the same time) they can. but if trying is defined to them like "ok, i tried" then just say it, "i can't, i'll be back" or "i'll talk to you later, when i'm done with this". then that would be better, there's a warning, a reason for you not to whine. but i guess they'll never know this, if you're going to try, T-R-Y.
men can be such a user too, they would be busy with their own lives for a while. then one day you'd just hear from them. it ALWAYS starts with the "how's" life, school, work. then in return such a nice person would of course ask the same thing, then they'd share the what-not's of their life. then from there you'd hear the rants, dilemmas (simple thing to the why-are-you-telling-me this?). some men, or say guy or yet boy, would even tell stuffs which a few decency and thinking is needed, whether to tell it or not. but such a nice person created on earth would be in that situation, of course would give a suitable answer for a non-suitable question. and take note, they'd always run to girls.
this earthly beings can be the most lovable person in the world, but sometimes they can just be your hard-headed enemies.
Friday, October 10, 2008
creme brulee
but when you're just too tired of expecting, too tired of getting hurt, and you have changed at the same time and the only thing that matters to you now is how you feel towards that person, and what is true, then you'd let go of all the anxieties and expectations. because if it's a true feeling - so true, that nothing could tear it apart, nothing can change your mind, not even billy joe crawford (hahaha) then you'd just have to prepare in a different way. prepare for a different scene, worst if possible, because then there's still room for lesser worst actions that you're emotionally prepared for (tricky!).
you, yourself know that you wouldn't want to let go of something so true, so precious, and so real (although it really looks like a fictional book and is best selling). you couldn't even believe how things are going for you, how you've changed and how you've opened up totally - without barriers, pride, and pretensions. and yet still knowing that with this, fear comes along. fear of total damage when something goes wrong, a fear of another long-overdue-healing-period, a fear of being so vulnerable that, you know would do you wrong if something happens. and the funny thing is, the way you used to curse those girls who would jump off a cliff for someone, who would fight against all odds for someone, and so on, is you - you're turning to be one of them (not totally, still sane, but still symptoms off are showing..SOME).
after all the said and done, after the damaged has been done, after all the tears left unsaid (also the tears said). hard to believe, but all you can think of is how to make it work, how to mend broken feelings, how to make an extra step, how to send a heartfelt message. never was and never like you; and yet here you are all guards down and just give, love, hope, and pray. it hurts to know that one day, who knows, it might end the way you both wanted or may go the other way, but from you've learned that, what's important is how it is today, how you gave, and how you true you were. that changed you.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
mababaw- walang kwentang kwento hahahaha
i just had a lot fun, brings us to HS; when life was so easy, subjects were easier, problems were lighter, and where we ask for drama in our life. haha usually when i get i chance to talk to my other friends, it would be all about work, stress, future plans, countries..etc. but last week, we were laughing because we were talking about (they were talking the whole time, actually..hahaha) their love life status..hahaha (ambabaw, sabaw!haha)
one, "kaming-hindi-kami-status" for the first time in her history, she's into a guy, cause it was always the other way around. haha now, she really likes the guy, has a tendency to fall for him, but she wouldn't let go first 'till we know for sure. (torpe slash tuod kase ung guy..haha)
second friend, getting to know stage, and trial-guy-stage..haha (imbento) you know when girls try to test you, waiting test that is..half meant jokes..well that's her strategy. she says she's not ready yet, so 1 year to get there for her, if this guy would still be there. (tactic mo, bulok! haha) dilemma no.2 for her, one of her school friends has a thing for the guy, but total in denial friend, but all the signs are there..tsk tsk..
anyway, pointless entry..HAHAHA i just wanted to share how our lives as students, STILL! pero quiet lang daw kami..haha
i miss everyone, even our table sa cafe..where it all happens! haha
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
titanic, the com back
Cliche as it may sound, magic really happens, others may call it chemistry. When you feel it, you feel it. And if love is that strong enough, no matter what - you'll stick together.
But the sad part is, you can get married, have a family of your own, knowing in your heart there's someone who would have / could have been and you know deep inside you, he/she the love of your life and would always be in your memory - forever.
Friday, August 22, 2008
wishes do come true
ask someone who won the "the battle" from that wish bone, and wished with all her heart.
ask someone who got teary eyed after she won "the battle", and got the tip of that wish bone.
ask someone who saved that small, significant part of a chicken, that only she could understand how it feels to hold onto that wish.
ask someone who washed that part of that wish bone, and kept it in a small secured place, to keep her spirits up and believe that wishes do come true.
ask her and she'll tell you, that when you truly believe on one thing, it could happen; just put your heart into it and make - wait for it to happen.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
my recent dream
Frog
To see a frog in your dream, represents a potential to change or to do the unexpected. The frog may be a prince in disguise. Alternatively, the frog may suggest uncleanness.
To see frogs leaping in your dream, may indicate your lack of commitment. You have the tendency to jump from one thing to another. Alternatively, it may suggest that you are taking major steps toward some goal.
To see toads in your dream, suggests that you are trying to hide your true Self. Let the beauty from within shine through.
Pond
To see a pond in your dream, represents tranquility and desire for more quiet time to yourself. It is a time to reflect on your situation and what is going on in your life. Alternatively, it suggests that you keep your feelings contained and in check. You are experiencing and emotional calm in your life.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
dream my dream
here it goes..
My brothers were there helping me pack my things in a Jansport luggage (i saw that day in a store, brown stroller luggage). I saw my blue fil backpack (ico gave to me) then, I saw my polka jans backpack. We were in a hurry to pack my stuffs because Papa would arrive soon and in my dream, he didn't want me to be a girl, he didn't want to see me. As far as I can remember, he wanted a boy and that I was pretending to be one, but I don't know what happened, suddenly, I just need to hide from him. The ironic part is I was nervous in my dream - i don't want to get caught, but at the same time I have a "monalisa smile" on my face. haha Weird. So thanks to ever reliable dreammoods.com (c/o kai) haha and still trying to decipher what my dream meant.
Packing
To dream that you are packing, signifies big changes ahead for you. You are putting past issues and/or� relationships� to rest and behind you. Alternatively, it represents the burdens that you carry.
Backpacking
To dream that you are backpacking, symbolizes your self-sufficiency and survival skills. You may be reflecting on all the obstacles and adversities that you have overcame.
Backpack
To see or carry a backpack in your dream, represents the decisions and responsibilities that are weighing your down.
Luggage
To see luggage in your dream, signifies the many desires, worries, and needs that you carry with you and weighing you down. You need to reduce you desires and problems and alleviate the pressure you are putting on yourself.
Hiding
To dream that you are hiding, suggests that you are keeping some secret or withholding some information. You may not be facing up to a situation or not want to deal with an issue. However, you may be getting ready to reveal and confess before somebody finds out.
Basically, they make sense based on what I am going through right now, mixed emotions, and true to many changes, too many desires, responsibilities, and decisions I have to make for myself. Makes sense. But I'm still trying to look for something to interpret the "denial" part in my dream. That's the most important detail I want to know, just for the sake of knowing. hehe
Sunday, August 3, 2008
dream - reality
No matter how long you have to wait, even without knowing what the future holds for you, you still have to hold on. People may put you down or lift you up, tempt you or save you, but if you know what you really want or who you really want, you won't be shaken.
Easier said than done, i know. But someone just proved me that, someone alive and not from any book I've read. haha Not any fantasy, not even a dream..real one. haha
Surreal.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sunday, July 27, 2008
/
Just mindin' my own world;
Without even knowin' what love and life were all about.
Then you came,
You brought me out of the shell;
You gave the world to me
And before I knew,
There I was so in love with you.
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
I love the touch of your hair
And when I look in your eyes
I just know, I know I'm on to something good
And I'm sure my love for you will endure
Your love will light up my world;
And take all my cares away with the aching part of me.
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
You taught me how to love,
You showed me how tomorrow and today
My life is diff'rent from the yesterday;
And you, you taught me how to love
And darling I will always cherish you
Today, tomorrow and forever.
And I'm sure when evening comes around
I know we'll be making love like never before;
My love, who could ask for more?
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
When I met you.
You gave me a reason for my being
And I love what I'm feelin'
You gave me a meaning to my life,
Yes, I've gone beyond existing
And it all began when I met you.
When I met you.
Kapag mayron tayong iniwan sa buhay natin, lagi natin iniisip na sana kahit na hindi kayo nagkatuluyan, kahit papaano mayron kang naiwan na maganda alaala sa taong yon. Umaasa ka rin na sana may natutunana siya sayo at ipagpatuloy ang mga bagay na magaganda at ipagpatuloy rin ang pagiwas sa mga hindi. Pero pano pag-isang araw, nalaman mo nalang na parang lahat ng naitulong mo (sana) ay bigla nalang naglahong parang bula? Parang biglang isang araw, lahat ng kung ano nuon e nawala, nabura, kinalimutan. Kahit na sabihin natin pinaka-maliit na detalye or pinaka-mababaw na paalala, e parang bigla nalang hindi naalala.
Masakit isipin na iniwan mo ung isang tao, kahit anong dahilan pa iyon, na maayos at umaasa na napabuti mo siya kaysa sa mapunta sa ibang daan. Ang mas masakit pa don, na ikaw lahat ng paalala, payo, kahit mismong pagbutones ng isang button sa polo shirt; halos naka-kabit na sayo ang mga simpleng paalalang mga ganun dahil alam mo yun ung gusto nung tao at para sayo rin naman yon. Na ikaw, binigyan mo ng importansya lahat - lahat kahit magkaiba na kayo ng landas na gustong tahakin. Kung ano-ano na nasabi sayo, ano - anong mga pangako ang binitawan, na tanggap mo na hindi magagampanan lahat iyon; pero sana, kahit ung mga simpleng bagay lang ang ninanais mo makita na nabibigyan importansya.
Naniniwala ako na hindi porke't iniwan mo na ang isang tao, nagkahiwalay kayo na magkaibigan, magkaaway, o walang kibuan dapat nang alisin lahat ng mabubuting bagay na nadulot sayo nung tao (kung mayron man). Oo, masakit ang pinagdaanan, pero hindi iyon sapat na dahilan para sirain ang buhay, tiwala, at respeto sa isa't - isa.
*nasan na ang kahulugan ng kantang ito?*
Friday, July 18, 2008
return of the come back
english version, brian mcknight, 98degrees, nsync, michael bolton..hahahaha whoooohooo
go heartS! whahahahahaha
H.S here i come again! hahaha
jologs!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
friends
from friend no.1, she mentioned the phrase "i've never felt this way before"..cliche as it may sound, but its true..i guess we'll always have this one feeling from this one specific event or specific person that no matter it maybe in the past or present, you'll just smile and say, "i've never felt this way before"..actually for her, her love life is too complicated for an average 21-22year old life..but the thing that struck me most is that, she still loves the person for who he is, with baggage or none..everything is complicated enough that a usual big issue (well for me it would be a big issue) is just a tiny spot of dirt on her white uniform..haha its a bit weird for me, for someone to be that open enough to accept ALL of him..but i guess that's when you love, and i think now i know it..
okay.. from friend no.2, she is a nerve wracking - big headache friend..haha everyone would agree..anyway, with her she's a living martyr but when i had a short talk with her, instead of me telling this and that to her..basically opposing everything she says..instead, i was telling her that it's okay for her to feel something even though there's another thing..(can't lay it all out! hahaa) because the truth is, i felt what she's feeling right now..exactly 4days, she said..haha but i was the opposite of her, i knew that time would come and instead of overcoming it, i gave in because i knew that's what i wanted, that's what i was looking for..but for her she's still confused because like what she said, she had always wanted and loved the current, true and pure..anyway, now that i'm here at this state (make that a colorful state) i now understand her when it comes to her reactions and dealings with her guy..to be so in love and would do anything just to make it work, would give up everything, and would really work it out 'til she breaks out..haha
i guess i would always have this armour on me since the first time i got hurt..haha i never removed it or let down my guard..but i'm afraid that one day i will..one day i would be so vulnerable and get really attached..and i hate it when that day would come! haha i know it would be a wonderful feeling because i know i have my safety net with me but still, ms.pride for you please! haha
"pride ain't nothing when it comes to matters of the heart" - Guess Who?
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
and i live by
pain makes a person grow stronger and for happiness to be sweeter
*some things i live by everyday thru experience and time or maybe because of my wisdom teeth? dalawa na kase e pero puro half pa lang..haha and i'm afraid if they're both impacted..tsk"
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
good bye old friend
goodbye to you and hello to
so i know i'm boring bkit black ulit, pero kse almost everyone na nakikita ko who has it pink or red or fuschia..? anyway, so black nalang looks classic..
like what i said 3 years ago, i think..i had my very first..and more than thankful to my tito! i had to call him that day (kse kakauwi lang sa pinas) to thank him..it was near my bday when i received it or after..
but my techie tita, we used to research on the lastest ipod versions, we both wanted this because of the video..but we're both satisfied with the old..(and sa knya is the old classic, actually kung un ung ibibgay niya sa akin masaya ako e! kso wala siyang balak ipamigay..haha ) so she asked me what i wanted for my bday.."kahit ano po, ok lang.." then she said "ipod?!" of course ms.pakipot in the house said, "ang mahal pa e! hinihintay ko pang magmura"..haha then sunday came, she asked me again..i still said the same thing..because half of me wanted it and the other half shy type and sort of nanghihinayang..then the next thing i know she handed me the money and said, "kapag maganda, tell me..bibili na rin ako"
so yun..very thankful of course, because i was telling myself that one day when i have an extra cash or if there'd be a sale..haha i would get myself a new one, just to upgrade the memory..then someone answered it for me..hehe
before my problem was, i have too many songs in my lap but i only have 1GB..now i need to download more songs to fill it, at least half..haha including pics..haha so if anyone knows a site in which i can download video files for FREE..please tell me..haha take not FREE! hahaha
thank you Lord, thank you tita beng, thank you Life/luck/destiny! (i don't know what to call it..haha basta un) :)
Monday, June 30, 2008
poem from a bus
when there's something to desire,
there's something to regret,
when there's something to regret,
there's something recall,
when there's something to recall,
there's something to regret,
when there's something to regret,
there's something to desire
a poem i saw from the metro bus..
quite funny, but come to think of it..simple yet full of meaning! =)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
feast of love
i don't know if this movie would only prove me right, but from what i've seen - somehow, it did.
every time i am happy or there's just too much laughs and smiles for me for a day, i'm scared that by the end of the day or the day after, something would always turn my wheels and make the previous day, opposite of how i felt. and hate it more because i believe in the saying, "what you resist, persists" exactly what i am doing, all the time. i've talked this out with a friend and she said that i should always be positive and i'd quote from her, "never pangunahan ang mangyayare"..
she has a point, i tried..and still trying. but still scares me all the time. anyway my point is, just like in the movie..there were atleast 4 major kind of love that was relayed to the viewers..the sad part is, the true-wonderful-unending love was the love that has to end in earthly life. in the story they were the most happy couple, so in love couple, so idealistic, so romeo-juliet kind of love..but ironic enough..it was the love that has to end, the love that gave more pain than any heartache a person could ever feel.
and that's what scares me most. i'm scared that one day i would be so happy, contented, and stable in my life then one day - a great big wind would only blow it away. i am scared of happy endings and fairytale like stories, because since i was a child i know they're only fictional stories trapped in colorful pages and balloon gowns, with a knight and a white horse waiting.
but i hope one day, i can be happy for a day and not worry for the following day or week..i'm trying..=) better late, than never! and from what i've learned and realized..that it doesn't hurt to try and to take risks..it may only lead into two paths, the one that worked out or the one that wouldn't..but in the end, we learn from it and just charge it to experience.
and one quote that for sure would help me in anything i'd encounter for til-i-don't-know-when.."you can't hold someone's love against them"..and i believe. plain and simple. message is conveyed. although it is not easy to apply it (based on experience) but through time everything gets better. i know one day we'll just wake up and can say that we're happy for our own life and for others too, with a genuine-no fake smile. for sure it doesn't come in beautiful packages, or with a wonderful background music..but it will come.
here are some of the quotes from the movie:
"try focusing on simple pleasure...small treasures"
"but the end is always right there in the beginning"
"jump, jump with your eyes open"
"you can't hold someone's love against them"
"God doesnt hate us, Harry..if he did He wouldn't make our hearts so brave"
"the unexpected is always upon us"
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
happy birthday to me
22 years and still counting...thank you Lord! =)
everytime people would ask me how "young" i am..i feel awkward saying 22, feels old! haha i don't want to get older but wiser, yes why not! :)
on the day of my birthday, papa asked me when i got home from work, how old am i..i said 22. then he said, "oh kala ko 21 ka plang" then he stared outside the door (screen ng pinto, so kalye at puno nakikita) for at least a minute. hahaha cheesy, but it was an "awwww" moment for me to see him like that, because i know he felt that time will come when he has to let go of me and that i'm getting older, the baby is now a lady (not literally lady, coz i'm far from being one)! hahaha
20 years, are well spent in my comfort zone..no big worries, i have my friends around me - one dial away or one text away.. i have my close relatives around me (esp.my cousin, ate rhea and my brother)..people in our home would start the celebration from morning til night..hehe my ate's would prepare some of my favorite breakfast meals (sunny side up, tocino, am, or even spag in the morning..hahaha) then in the afternoon after school - merienda time, we would have spag either white or red sauce..then dinner, small dinner celebration out (for the past 3 years i guess, oma! haha walang kasawa sawa)
2 years, spent in another country, that i guess i can never call home. anyway, last year i tried to be happy. i still tried to make my day worthwhile, fake smiles, fake laughs, and wore a happy mask! but of course i was still thankful to God for that year. and i would never forget, on the day of my bday, i cried in my room (room i was using in my bro's house) because i wasn't happy. drama! hehe
o well, but this year, this year..it was different. i got my rhythm back, though it was just me and my rents, it was a time/day well spent. i cooked for them then heard mass after. then sunday night, i gave them and myself a treat at todai, eat all u can jap food. great laughs, food, stories, and corny jokes. haha
sooner, i know i'd get used to this kind of lifestyle, i'm not good with changes - i need time, but i know i'm getting there.
just last night it daunt on me that one day i'd be in my ideal age with ideal dreams and ideal life, the scary part is, will it happen and would i be stable and ready by that time for real life, more real than this! hmmmmm
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
zoom it to the knot! haha i know this is not really my proudest moment..haha sobrang babaw..pero finally i got to tie, full knot stem of a cherry! haha nagagawa ko with the canned cherry (nung ang alam ko lang e itsura ng cherry e red lang!ahah) pero hindi ung as in secure knot without any help! haha anyway, so i was eating alone, sabay i remembered mga fun stuffs at mga kalokohang myths about kissing and cherry stems..haha and so i did it! haha
i know mababaw and medyo eeww pero just for fun! hehe
this is my hanna! haha hindi ko siya anak (obviously dahil maputi siya at malaki mata niya.. haha) but she's mine kase i'm the only teeetaaa she has! haha the best one too! hahaha (puriin ang sarili)
tapos nakakatuwa and half scary rin kse everything i do and say she follows and acts it out..haha pati ung paglagay ko ng sunblock before, titingnan niya ako tapos gagayahin rin niya like she's putting sunblock rin sa mukha and arms niya..hehe
so i have to be good all the time! haha and another touching moment, kse khit na nasa may screen palang ako ng door ng lola ko, mririnig ko na ssabihin nya "hi teetaa!" and bonus pa kapag sinabi niya "hi teetaa yunicsshh" sobrang hirap siya sabhin ang eunice kaya cute! hahaha
and winning moment as a teetaaa, kapag everytime i ask for a kiss, she kisses me sa lips and matunog, make that malaway pa! hehe cute sobra! na kahit at times e kinalat na niya lahat, but after a hug and kiss, i can't do anything, pagkamasunget ko tumitiklop sa kanya..hehe
i misss bulilit!!! =)
and day ng father's day..nagonline and nagwebcam kami nila kuya! and yes, i miss my brother dear over there! hehe
its been a while since nakatawa ako ng tawa talaga for the past one year! hehe 2 great big laughs (genuine leather laughs!) haha
one is from my mama because of condom..haha i know parang weird bakit condom pero un! haha
second, while doing laundry..si papa and bathtub! hahaha
then chat with kuya na sobrang naiiyak kami sa kakatawa kase major babaw namin na parang kapag may ibang taong nakikinig ng conver namin would think na sobrang wala kaming kwentang tao at walang kwenta utak namin! haha parang ganon! hehehe pero it's nice and a good excercise for our hearts! hahahhaa
yehess, kahit na pagmagkasama kami ng kuya nagaaway lang kami, miss din namin isa't - isa! mga okrayan at tsismisan na hindi pwede! hahaha
as much as i want to rant about how my life is blah blah..i wouldn't, instead look at the bright side and look forward to my own pot of gold, shinning, shimmering, splendid! =)
Monday, June 9, 2008
tik tok
when can a person say that he/she found love?
when you learned how to sacrifice, even your pride?
when you learned how to be contented?
when you knew how it feels to truly love and be in love like a High School girl?
when you suddenly had an emotional breakdown because you miss the person or you just wanted to cry for either happiness or sadness?
when you already have someone and yet you still long a specific person in your life?
when you can still say "i love him/her" even if he/she hurts you (physically, emotionally, or mentally)?
when you stand and fight against all odds just for the sake of saving the relationship?
when you hear one thing and see another, yet you still believe in whatever that person tells you to believe?
when you love someone even if it seems like it's never gonna happen with that person, you still waited and tried endlessly to get that person?
you can never dictate what the mind tells the heart to feel. even if you try to stop it from growing, it will always have it's own way of moving you, either forward or a step back. no matter how many times you confide to your friends, you never follow them or even try what they suggest, because you know how bittersweet it feels being in that relationship. even if you know it would always sting, yet you still seek and crave for the truth that you'll never find. and even if you've constantly resisted on love to fill you in, even if you ran out of reasons - you'll always have the truth within you.
when you love, you'd always be a fool for someone. a fool, who left someone for somebody else. a fool who is and was cheated on is still holding on and making things work. a fool who completely trusts his/her partner even without seeing each other. a fool who can be considered a battered gf/bf and yet can still manage to say that person is his/her happiness. a fool who knows the person he/she loves, loves someone else. a fool who'll always and forever be considered a 3rd party - winner. a fool who gave everything for the sake of the relationship. a fool who got knocked up and believed it was made out of love. a fool who remains in a relationship not because he/she loves the current, simply because he/she is afraid to accept reality. a fool who loves someone and still longs for someone else. a fool who believes in fairy tales and happily ever after. a fool who blames love for putting a spell on him/her. and simply a fool, who's fool for love.
but after all the said and done, we can't ignore how harsh reality can be. what matters most is how you love and loved. whether you were true or just a facade - you'd always be measured by how great, how true, how big, how sincere you love/loved someone in your lifetime. it wouldn't kill you to love and be true to yourself and to your someone but, it would hurt both ways if you would always think of yourself.
never say something unless you mean it and ironic enough but even if you do mean it, try not to say it if it will only hurt. never keep someone else's hope up so high, because it would hurt like hell to fall flat on the floor. don't knock on someone's door unless you're whole heartedly willing to come in. jump and take risk, if it's worth it.
Monday, June 2, 2008
1 year for me
i had my anniversary (here in US) may 19, 2009. 1 year.
people say that time flies by so fast, but not for me. being here wasn't fast, i had to endure every waking day knowing that i'm here to start from scratch. whether from school, friends, and even job (which i never thought that i would have to deal with it way beyond the age that i was expecting). had to deal with family matters, that i've never been before, had to make decisions and be firm. actually, i had to grow up more than my age, with life, my life, family, and yes, even love.
but though i may have a lot of rants for the first few months and in a whole year, i can truly say that i wouldn't trade anything that had happened to me here. i had lot of down's but i got through it and i got stronger everyday. i learned how to appreciate everything around me, every detail of my life, every people who was and is around me. i got be patient with money, people, TIME - no rewinds, no fast forwards. CHANGE, one thing that was always hard for me to accept and apply, but either that way or the highway. yes, slowly but surely i got to a point in which i realized that i should just accept change around me and not the other way around. i can't control it but i know i can accept it. that's when this progressing state i'm in right now took over me.
i can say that i am stronger, since i've been here problems never left me, they were the stones i had to carry and instead of leaving them behind me, i picked them up and made myself a path to stability. i learned how to live and survive here (half way) the hard way, EMOTIONALLY, physically, and spiritually. no regrets, instead lots of things to be thankful for.
pointers i live by:
live day by day, appreciate every detail, and be happy - make it!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
dito pa kami nagkita kita
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
di na ako nagnanakaw - ng net! haha
napakasaya!!! limewire beware! ym, kapag may online lang..haha
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
that's it pancit
but on the other hand, if haven't tried some people would even think everything's gone in a snap for just like that. and we'd end up with "what if's" and never really knew why we tried or even why we left.
which ever way we choose, always remember - it takes two to tango.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
painting
or is it just me, painting it gray?
siomai!
Saturday, April 26, 2008
papa is back on track
and after 5mos, i got a big big tight hug from someone! then i remembered what bro.bo said before, that we all need a hug a day! and i think i was longing for that kind of hug for months! haha
and yesss sounds like a papa's girl blogging! haha i admit and always be! =)
i missed him!
and next to his physical presence is my "bilin!" haha
and yes, he got it all! (parang SM lang! haha we got it all for you!haha) from my techie-bilin to my food-bilin, every specific food i wrote was there right infront of me! haha i'll start munching them tomorrow! hehe
random thought - "one is the loneliest number, one.." --> double meaning! hahahahhahaha
Monday, April 14, 2008
invisible war
i finally firgured out, the only way to get through this.. is to fully and trully accept things that i cannot change and expect to get things better in my life and someone else's too.
i have to rise above this or i had already. but i guess i just can't pretend to live and treat someone like a stranger so, have to make amends. And live knowing i tried to make no "enemies" (if possible) during my lifetime.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
test em away
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)
Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.
Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal
honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.
These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.
You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.
Your exact female opposite:
The Playstation
Saturday, April 5, 2008
living with my mama
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
THE BUZZ
anyway anyway, main idea here is..about Gabby Concepcion's interview..haha oh before anything else, ang gwapo pa rin niya solid! haha pero para ka ring tumitingin kay KC at the same time so parang di mo alam kung maggwapuhan ka ba or magagandahan..hahaha
ok back to my main idea..haha he mentioned something about US, the life, trials, and so on..tapos there was this line actually 2 lines he mentioned sa interview niya with Boy,
"US is a humbling place...."
and
"kay tagal mo nang nawala, babalik ka rin.."
literally, a tear dropped - both eyes..i know i'm-the-ever-dramatic-person-created..haha so parang ung tear na un satisfies ung feeling na un all in all..hirap explain e pero parang for me, it says more of how i feel rather than ung iyak na hagulgul or continuous sob..
he mentioned "humbling place" - i think or country..anyway..kse true..this is really a humbling place, out of your comfort zone..na parang you were once on the top, now the wheels have turned..not in a negative way, pero na you really start from scratch, i mean we did, i did and still..i've learned a lot from this and not so much pride on the line, especially when it comes to my family..parang i have to do what i have to do..sacrifices not for me but never been more willing to do it for us - them..
and the famous line from Gary V.'s song, "kay tagal mo nang nawala, babalik ka rin" di pa naman ganon ako katagal nawala, pero one day i know babalik rin ako..for sure not back for good, pero at least back to where my heart is..haha drama! at kahit sinong makausap mo dito, well most if not all, na kahit na pay here is good and all that crap - when they retire, sa Pilipinas pa rin sila magssettle and splurge their green money dun nang maramdaman nila ung fruits ng hirap na ginawa nila dito..which is my plan from the very start, if God willing, i would like to retire early around mid 40's (kung sobrang may pera na tlga ako and all that) tapos invest my money on something or somwhere sa Pilipinas para my money would still be rolling and old age comes - i'm still safe and alive...haha
almost all the stuffs Gabby Concepcion mentioned, of course except ung mga controversies niya about Sharon and all the showbiz eklat..haha pero about US and what he learned after staying here for 13 years, i can relate to it and getting more..
Sunday, March 30, 2008
mag-emote tayo
gift -plain and simple, i know what i want, feel, made, did, got into, missed. i know what would make me steady - but not certain if it would really make me happy/satisfied.
curse - i have expectations, a lot. and i get frustrated easily when they don't reach what i expected them to be or what i hope they should be. wrong, very wrong. i try not to, but i just can't help it, especially when they're the one who started "that image" they're portraying from the start. and it's hard because though i just want to give up, i can't because i want it - supposedly.
so sometimes not knowing what you really want can be a good thing. clueless about who, where, when, and why, would be better.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
bored depression
life is rollercoaster - ups and downs, hoops and loops, and the whole nine-yards...and it doesn't run through a straight rail or even a smooth one...
Monday, March 17, 2008
gotta trust the nose
masakit pero tapos na. nuon pa naman alam ko, gut feeling - pero siguro mas sinunod ko ung tiwala ko sa tao kaysa sa naramdaman ko. hindi ako galit, hindi ako inis, hindi ako magtatanim ng galit at hindi ko rin masisisi yung tao. hindi rin naman ako perpekto. actually, hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko.
at mas lalong masakit at nahihirapan ako dahil simula nang una akong masaktan hanggang ngayon..hindi ako marunong tumanggap nang sorry galing sa lalake. mas gugustuhin ko pang hindi magsabe ng sorry at aksyunan nalang yung pangyayare o bumawi kaysa marinig ang salitang sorry, pero kinabukasan balik sa dati ang lahat, walang nagbago, walang binago, walang nangyare. kailan ako ulit matututo - hindi ko alam.
*i hope you know that i won't blame you, i won't take it against you. with me knowing this, just makes us farther from each other, but don't worry - i'd still stay and try to continue telling you that "i'm here".
coincidence: after blogging i got an email from papa about this test. my result was this:
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.
so logged on again to add this part. weird.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
the journey's just beginning
i've exposed myself to a lot emotions since day 1, some of it i don't know ever existed, a lot of analyzing on who, how, what, when, and why. i knew, still know and believe in whatever i did. but why does it go back to me this way? if being straight and knowing what's best for me is a crime, then i'm guilty. but do i have to undergo all this drama all over again? i thought i was through. done. over it.
i want to cry, but i can't. no tears to shed. why? i don't know.
now i know i'm like a kid - in one specific aspect. i do hold on to things and promises. and once broken, i get disappointed and frustrated. no words could explain this.
as i write this a lot of hope and wish well.
knowing this, is just half of the whole story - journey i have to take. when will it end, i pray i have the answers.
Monday, March 3, 2008
breathe
with few tears to spare and a heart felt message, a perfect formula for a great breather.. =)
everyone deserves to be happy and everyone should seek and capture it! =)
Monday, February 25, 2008
astigs??? hahahhaa
ok fine, pagbigyan bka title lang..(pero actually title pa nga lang kailangan may dating na matino na e para panuorin...haha) anyway, i had no choice pero may tenga at mata ako so i can hear every conversation at once in a while napapa-glance ako kse...ito un e! ANG BABAW NG PINAGUUSAPAN NILA AT MGA "PROBLEMA" NILA!
GULAY!!!
ano baaaaa, ganyan na ba tlga ang mga issue ngayon sa buhay ng mga tao within that age range?!?!?! tumatayo balahibo ko dahil:
1. di sila marunong umarte, yes may mga itsura kayo for sure..pero where's the art?!?! haha walang kakwenta kwentang delivery! mga patay! haha i'm not saying na i can do it, at least i admit i can't do it! hahaha
2. taglish! fine cge ayos lang kung sa mga bata ung ganon..given na un e! pero hindi e!!!!! mismong magulang and specifically ung tatay pa e!!! haha comedy!! haha pero ung accent naman pinoy-english accent..haha ung diretsong english..haha basta bsta..TH!
3. mga di pa grumagraduate ng HS and yet they're all talking about getting married and na sana first and only nila ang isa't-isa!! o my...that's pathetic!
4. even their parents are involved in match-making and make their children believe and na i-set up ung mind na they'd end up together and HS sweethearts are blah blah blah...just like them..
5. na major materialistic kids, may hand me down car na ung isang character galing sa mom niya tapos he still wanted something else, motorbike ata un kse ung isa nilang friend mayron...and napansin ko important ang may car..big deal..pity pity kids!
6. at ang babaw ng pinagaawayan ng mga bf-gf...
kung pwede ko lang tlga patayin ung TV nung mga oras na yan kso nanonood si manang sa tabi ko, di rin pwede ilipat dahil malilipat rin ung isa pang TV sa office..no choice! haha
pero i swear by the moon and the stars in the sky!! tumatayo talaga balahibo ko sa inis, sa dire, sa awa, sa tawa, sa kung ano pang feeling un! haha
nakakaawa dahil ganon ung reality..i guess..kse di naman masusulat ng writer un unless may pinagbabasihan..and nakakaawa dahil yan ang mga napapanood ng mga taong nanonood niyan, especially ung mga ganong age group, kaya ung iba eager mag ka-bf/gf, daming gustong material na bagay, na ang buhay e parang dapat gaya ng nasa TV!
ay naku, wish ko lang wala nang mas lalala at mas pathetic pa dun sa napanood kong un! gulay...hahaha
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
my American Idol favorites and HATES
I HATE HIM! haha he's so gay and he is gay! haha malantod umarte! haha and he makes faces infront of the judges and cam...at least pretend to be a sport diba?! haha btw he's something Noriega, we thought he's pinoy pero pinakita ung parents both eme (mexican) naman ata..good thing! hahaha second time to enter Am-Idol, but first time to be part of the top 24..wish he won't win and actually be out by next week! hahaha mean - pero naku...sarap ipasagasa kapag napanood niyo siya! hahaha
lastly, i don't like her too! haha i admit, di ko kaya boses niya of course..magaling naman siya kumanta pero all she does is shout and birit na wala ka nang maintindihan..dinadaan niya sa birit..from her first audition hanggang sa first episode nila sigaw ng sigaw pa rin mga kanta niya..which Am-Idol fans like..na di ko maintindihan kung bkit..the judges liked her too pero ako i didn't (haha as if may malaking percentage ang comment ko..haha ) pero sad to say, isa sa siya sa tatagal sobra sa show, even a winner...sana hindi!! hahaha