Monday, June 30, 2008

poem from a bus

"something to desire"

when there's something to desire,

there's something to regret,
when there's something to regret,
there's something recall,
when there's something to recall,
there's something to regret,
when there's something to regret,
there's something to desire

a poem i saw from the metro bus..
quite funny, but come to think of it..simple yet full of meaning! =)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

feast of love



i don't know if this movie would only prove me right, but from what i've seen - somehow, it did.

every time i am happy or there's just too much laughs and smiles for me for a day, i'm scared that by the end of the day or the day after, something would always turn my wheels and make the previous day, opposite of how i felt. and hate it more because i believe in the saying, "what you resist, persists" exactly what i am doing, all the time. i've talked this out with a friend and she said that i should always be positive and i'd quote from her, "never pangunahan ang mangyayare"..

she has a point, i tried..and still trying. but still scares me all the time. anyway my point is, just like in the movie..there were atleast 4 major kind of love that was relayed to the viewers..the sad part is, the true-wonderful-unending love was the love that has to end in earthly life. in the story they were the most happy couple, so in love couple, so idealistic, so romeo-juliet kind of love..but ironic enough..it was the love that has to end, the love that gave more pain than any heartache a person could ever feel.

and that's what scares me most. i'm scared that one day i would be so happy, contented, and stable in my life then one day - a great big wind would only blow it away. i am scared of happy endings and fairytale like stories, because since i was a child i know they're only fictional stories trapped in colorful pages and balloon gowns, with a knight and a white horse waiting.

but i hope one day, i can be happy for a day and not worry for the following day or week..i'm trying..=) better late, than never! and from what i've learned and realized..that it doesn't hurt to try and to take risks..it may only lead into two paths, the one that worked out or the one that wouldn't..but in the end, we learn from it and just charge it to experience.

and one quote that for sure would help me in anything i'd encounter for til-i-don't-know-when..
"you can't hold someone's love against them"..and i believe. plain and simple. message is conveyed. although it is not easy to apply it (based on experience) but through time everything gets better. i know one day we'll just wake up and can say that we're happy for our own life and for others too, with a genuine-no fake smile. for sure it doesn't come in beautiful packages, or with a wonderful background music..but it will come.

here are some of the quotes from the movie:

"try focusing on simple pleasure...small treasures"

"but the end is always right there in the beginning"

"jump, jump with your eyes open"

"you can't hold someone's love against them"

"God doesnt hate us, Harry..if he did He wouldn't make our hearts so brave"

"the unexpected is always upon us"

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

happy birthday to me


22 years and still counting...thank you Lord! =)

everytime people would ask me how "young" i am..i feel awkward saying 22, feels old! haha i don't want to get older but wiser, yes why not! :)

on the day of my birthday, papa asked me when i got home from work, how old am i..i said 22. then he said, "oh kala ko 21 ka plang" then he stared outside the door (screen ng pinto, so kalye at puno nakikita) for at least a minute. hahaha cheesy, but it was an "awwww" moment for me to see him like that, because i know he felt that time will come when he has to let go of me and that i'm getting older, the baby is now a lady (not literally lady, coz i'm far from being one)! hahaha


20 years, are well spent in my comfort zone..no big worries, i have my friends around me - one dial away or one text away.. i have my close relatives around me (esp.my cousin, ate rhea and my brother)..people in our home would start the celebration from morning til night..hehe my ate's would prepare some of my favorite breakfast meals (sunny side up, tocino, am, or even spag in the morning..hahaha) then in the afternoon after school - merienda time, we would have spag either white or red sauce..then dinner, small dinner celebration out (for the past 3 years i guess, oma! haha walang kasawa sawa)

2 years, spent in another country, that i guess i can never call home. anyway, last year i tried to be happy. i still tried to make my day worthwhile, fake smiles, fake laughs, and wore a happy mask! but of course i was still thankful to God for that year. and i would never forget, on the day of my bday, i cried in my room (room i was using in my bro's house) because i wasn't happy. drama! hehe

o well, but this year, this year..it was different. i got my rhythm back, though it was just me and my rents, it was a time/day well spent. i cooked for them then heard mass after. then sunday night, i gave them and myself a treat at todai, eat all u can jap food. great laughs, food, stories, and corny jokes. haha


sooner, i know i'd get used to this kind of lifestyle, i'm not good with changes - i need time, but i know i'm getting there.

just last night it daunt on me that one day i'd be in my ideal age with ideal dreams and ideal life, the scary part is, will it happen and would i be stable and ready by that time for real life, more real than this! hmmmmm

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


zoom it to the knot! haha i know this is not really my proudest moment..haha sobrang babaw..pero finally i got to tie, full knot stem of a cherry! haha nagagawa ko with the canned cherry (nung ang alam ko lang e itsura ng cherry e red lang!ahah) pero hindi ung as in secure knot without any help! haha anyway, so i was eating alone, sabay i remembered mga fun stuffs at mga kalokohang myths about kissing and cherry stems..haha and so i did it! haha

i know mababaw and medyo eeww pero just for fun! hehe



this is my hanna! haha hindi ko siya anak (obviously dahil maputi siya at malaki mata niya.. haha) but she's mine kase i'm the only teeetaaa she has! haha the best one too! hahaha (puriin ang sarili)

tapos nakakatuwa and half scary rin kse everything i do and say she follows and acts it out..haha pati ung paglagay ko ng sunblock before, titingnan niya ako tapos gagayahin rin niya like she's putting sunblock rin sa mukha and arms niya..hehe

so i have to be good all the time! haha and another touching moment, kse khit na nasa may screen palang ako ng door ng lola ko, mririnig ko na ssabihin nya "hi teetaa!" and bonus pa kapag sinabi niya "hi teetaa yunicsshh" sobrang hirap siya sabhin ang eunice kaya cute! hahaha

and winning moment as a teetaaa, kapag everytime i ask for a kiss, she kisses me sa lips and matunog, make that malaway pa! hehe cute sobra! na kahit at times e kinalat na niya lahat, but after a hug and kiss, i can't do anything, pagkamasunget ko tumitiklop sa kanya..hehe

i misss bulilit!!! =)



and day ng father's day..nagonline and nagwebcam kami nila kuya! and yes, i miss my brother dear over there! hehe

its been a while since nakatawa ako ng tawa talaga for the past one year! hehe 2 great big laughs (genuine leather laughs!) haha

one is from my mama because of condom..haha i know parang weird bakit condom pero un! haha

second, while doing laundry..si papa and bathtub! hahaha

then chat with kuya na sobrang naiiyak kami sa kakatawa kase major babaw namin na parang kapag may ibang taong nakikinig ng conver namin would think na sobrang wala kaming kwentang tao at walang kwenta utak namin! haha parang ganon! hehehe pero it's nice and a good excercise for our hearts! hahahhaa

yehess, kahit na pagmagkasama kami ng kuya nagaaway lang kami, miss din namin isa't - isa! mga okrayan at tsismisan na hindi pwede! hahaha

as much as i want to rant about how my life is blah blah..i wouldn't, instead look at the bright side and look forward to my own pot of gold, shinning, shimmering, splendid! =)

Monday, June 9, 2008

tik tok





when can a person say that he/she found love?

when you learned how to sacrifice, even your pride?
when you learned how to be contented?
when you knew how it feels to truly love and be in love like a High School girl?
when you suddenly had an emotional breakdown because you miss the person or you just wanted to cry for either happiness or sadness?
when you already have someone and yet you still long a specific person in your life?
when you can still say "i love him/her" even if he/she hurts you (physically, emotionally, or mentally)?
when you stand and fight against all odds just for the sake of saving the relationship?

when you hear one thing and see another, yet you still believe in whatever that person tells you to believe?

when you love someone even if it seems like it's never gonna happen with that person, you still waited and tried endlessly to get that person?


you can never dictate what the mind tells the heart to feel. even if you try to stop it from growing, it will always have it's own way of moving you, either forward or a step back. no matter how many times you confide to your friends, you never follow them or even try what they suggest, because you know how bittersweet it feels being in that relationship. even if you know it would always sting, yet you still seek and crave for the truth that you'll never find. and even if you've constantly resisted on love to fill you in, even if you ran out of reasons - you'll always have the truth within you.


when you love, you'd always be a fool for someone. a fool, who left someone for somebody else. a fool who is and was cheated on is still holding on and making things work. a fool who completely trusts his/her partner even without seeing each other. a fool who can be considered a battered gf/bf and yet can still manage to say that person is his/her happiness. a fool who knows the person he/she loves, loves someone else. a fool who'll always and forever be considered a 3rd party - winner. a fool who gave everything for the sake of the relationship. a fool who got knocked up and believed it was made out of love. a fool who remains in a relationship not because he/she loves the current, simply because he/she is afraid to accept reality. a fool who loves someone and still longs for someone else. a fool who believes in fairy tales and happily ever after. a fool who blames love for putting a spell on him/her. and simply a fool, who's fool for love.


but after all the said and done, we can't ignore how harsh reality can be. what matters most is how you love and loved. whether you were true or just a facade - you'd always be measured by how great, how true, how big, how sincere you love/loved someone in your lifetime. it wouldn't kill you to love and be true to yourself and to your someone but, it would hurt both ways if you would always think of yourself.

never say something unless you mean it and ironic enough but even if you do mean it, try not to say it if it will only hurt. never keep someone else's hope up so high, because it would hurt like hell to fall flat on the floor. don't knock on someone's door unless you're whole heartedly willing to come in. jump and take risk, if it's worth it.

Monday, June 2, 2008

1 year for me

post one year entry.

i had my anniversary (here in US) may 19, 2009. 1 year.

people say that time flies by so fast, but not for me. being here wasn't fast, i had to endure every waking day knowing that i'm here to start from scratch. whether from school, friends, and even job (which i never thought that i would have to deal with it way beyond the age that i was expecting). had to deal with family matters, that i've never been before, had to make decisions and be firm. actually, i had to grow up more than my age, with life, my life, family, and yes, even love.

but though i may have a lot of rants for the first few months and in a whole year, i can truly say that i wouldn't trade anything that had happened to me here. i had lot of down's but i got through it and i got stronger everyday. i learned how to appreciate everything around me, every detail of my life, every people who was and is around me. i got be patient with money, people, TIME - no rewinds, no fast forwards. CHANGE, one thing that was always hard for me to accept and apply, but either that way or the highway. yes, slowly but surely i got to a point in which i realized that i should just accept change around me and not the other way around. i can't control it but i know i can accept it. that's when this progressing state i'm in right now took over me.

i can say that i am stronger, since i've been here problems never left me, they were the stones i had to carry and instead of leaving them behind me, i picked them up and made myself a path to stability. i learned how to live and survive here (half way) the hard way, EMOTIONALLY, physically, and spiritually. no regrets, instead lots of things to be thankful for.

pointers i live by:
live day by day, appreciate every detail, and be happy - make it!