will it ever end?

one thing i've learned from this new part of my *life is to face my fears or rather to face the things that i can never accept as of now (til i don't know when)..

well i've got to move on, i can't let this certain character of other people stop me from pursuing what i want in my life, i know i'm sort of cheating myself from the new reality right in front of me but, i guess it's better this way and learn on my own how to swallow everything i've been seeing..

but i guess little by little i'd be immune to all this "changes" and be numb, while looking at every captured moment of someone's life..

although i'm still trying to regain the not-so-old days, the not-so-old memories..but i'm afraid that may never be able to know how every detail feels like before..and if i'd try to change the "me" just to be able to understand everything i guess i can never be as loud, as easy, as "spur of the moment" person, as a one-call-i'm-there-friend, as a wee hours-go-home-person, as "cool"..and i don't know if this indifferences will melt down and just let things go their own way..

my friends keep asking me what to do with their own dilemma and the funny thing is i always have something to tell them and fortunately, it helped them..but when facing my own dilemmas i still don't know which "path" am i going to take and how firm am i going to be..

i don't want to be like Susan Mayer, who's a fool on love but, i don't want to be a Bree Van de Kamp; who's good in denials, good in outer presentation, and highly sophisticated that other people can't really jive with..

the song "Love Again" ----> the opposite of how i feel right now..every lyrics...

i hope one day i won't end up being a cynic about love..